You: Reinvented #11
Last week I wrote about how, if you’re anything like me, you need to be a little bit nicer to yourself – well, maybe a whole lot nicer. Here’s that post: Stop Beating Yourself Up.
Today, I’d like to build on that, and ask you to not only stop belittling yourself, but to give yourself some kudos when they’re due as well. The two are directly related. Here are three examples of what I mean. Tell me if you can relate.
1. When given a compliment, reply with a simple “Thank you.” – and shut up! No more words. “That was a good presentation, Susie!” “Thank you.” Enjoy the moment. Don’t demur, or say “Oh, it was nothing.” Take the props you are given. You’ve earned them.
2. As I’ve shared in a few of my earliest “You: Reinvented” weekend posts, Jane and I have gotten incredibly frugal. As a rule, frugality is a liberating experience, because it means that we’re not burning through money as we make it – that can end up being a stressful way to go through life, and it certainly was for us. One might argue, however, that we’ve taken this too far, and our self-denial has become pathological. I chuckle as I say this, but if you could see how cheap we are these days… oh, boy! It’s at least eccentric, if nothing else.
Well, we’re rethinking that, at least a tad. “Frugal is good, cheap is bad.” The nuances of this mindset are, for us, a work in progress.
So here’s the thing. Some good fortune came our way, and we earned more money that we had expected this fall. My typical behavior was to blow it off, to not acknowledge that years of writing have started to pay off. But that’s dysfunctional. It’s self-abrogating. So we rewarded ourselves. Jane bought the least-expensive iPad. I bought a Kindle (the $79 one – I’m still frugal!) and two books. It’s the coolest thing I’ve bought since my iPhone 2 years ago. I love it to death!
And you know what? I love it a lot more because I earned it. In buying it, I was able to say to myself, quite undeniably, “Good job Ted. You deserve this!”
3. Another example, this one costing me nothing at all? I’ve been joyfully “working” on building and maintaining my Twitter friendships for two and a half years now. Nearly every single day, I’m checking in at different times, and most mornings with my coffee I also do some “administrative” work. That last part’s a bit of a chore, but what the heck?
Several times now, I’ve crossed various thresholds that other people have congratulated me for, and each time I waved them off. “Oh, it’s nothing,” that kind of thing. I beat myself up; I made nothing of something I had every right to be proud of. …Until this last one. Friday, I hit the 100,000 follower mark. To recognize to myself that a whole lot of hard (but mostly very pleasurable) and incredibly consistent work has paid off, I posted on the topic on one of my favorite websites: The 12 Most Important Aspects of having 100,000 followers. That was how I acknowledged my achievement. And you know what? I’m allowing myself to enjoy it.
So about you. I share these three examples to inspire similar self-acknowledgement in you. It’s a two-step process.
- Step 1, stop calling your accomplishments “little.” They’re not.
- Step 2, give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve earned it.
Then move on with your life, quickly. Laurels wilt fast. There’s no advantage in resting on them for more than a minute.
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Of course, if you’re already blatantly in love with yourself and self-obsessed with your own magnificence, never mind all of this. You’re not as special as you think, you tool. Even your mother says so when you’re not around. …But this post isn’t for egomaniacs. It’s for those of us with an unhealthy dose of self-loathing in our makeup. I hope this post helps those people to at least start rewarding themselves a little bit, even if all that entails is a simple “thank you” when the time is right.